profane surreal dark art
humor & music a perpetually self-defeating mix of the experimental & mundane. Everything on this site is satire. None of it is true.
We do not exist.

unless noted all work by david holtek and creativedisease copyright 2006 Art Vice

  c r e a t i v e
d i s e a s e

Chewing the fat of excessive consumption since 1998


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LINKS voluntary human extinction movement a great site to waste a lot of time yet help entertain the world

555 Gallery Detroit's coolest and coldest gallery with the hottest art



n Number of Days before Doomsday

Excerpts from an email exchange between the nameless: (ps please don't blame the grammar on me)

" All I see from the democrats are short term solutions to shut people up for 10 seconds. That's not progressive. Republicans tend to look at long term solutions on finance."

-yeah, like bankrupting an entire nation for a long term period of time.

" The one thing I'm so disappointed in the republicans is with is the border situation. I can't help but think this has a lot to do with democrats blocking things. I wish they would get the border up and do a better job of keeping illegal aliens out. I might add I which we had a way to get the people who are here  out."

- boy what I wouldn't give for a border policy that kept the idiots and assholes out.

" I know saying that makes me sound like a redneck. Let me say this. One of my very best friends was an illegal alien. As much as I adore him. I was glad when he was sent to jail and back home. He was a wonderful person who worked hard, but he didn't come here the right way. I'm glad he's back in Costa Rica. I miss him, but he was hurting our economy."

-uhhhhh, with friends like you who needs........


15 SEPT 2008

  sarah palin sex cartoon holtek  


And the beat goes on.


Jet Lag Killed the Net Star

hot palin hillary sex  

I'm an equal opportunity lover. Politics do not get in the way of my amoure.

Hillary's not exactly my type though.Thank goodness I had some hot porno to help get me up.

I'll screw the partisanship outta both of ya!

What? You two still wanna cat fight? All right. Go ahead.

Oh yeah. That's it.



UK - Year of the Twitch

  ultra softcore porn cartoon holtek  

  Hey, I'll take whatever I can get.

  Yummmm.......commie pops!

Back in the USSR.........The Soviet Republic of Ramsgate.........didn't skip a beat - on the train from Gatwick to home some old bloke asked if he could move my suitcase to make room for his bike. Sure, mate, no worries. And when we happened to get off at the same stop he began to chat me up. I had to give him an impromptu lesson on the difference between USA and Canada and of course had to describe to him where exactly Alaska is - now that that Republican Vixen is all over the world news everyone's scrambling to find Alaska on a map. Maybe they're doing it to make sure they don't bring the family pet there in case that bitch Palin tries to shoot it from a helicopter with her fucking hunting rifle.

But he was nice, nice, nice if not a bit predictably 'eccentric-british' (redundant?) So, I guess my point is - after more of my soul searching travels - that my conclusion is that we're all pretty damn nice. Overall stupid as shit, but pretty nice.

Keep on truckin' human race. You crack me up.


America Year Zero

America I love you but you're freaking me out (nodz to LCD Sound)

They're fat. They are wasteful. They drive huge planet-killing SUVs and boy do they LOVE Jesus.
But they're also nice, friendly and ruthlessly efficient. Ever live in another country? Then chances are you have a special appreciation for American efficiency. Whether it's processing paperwork or bombing the fuck out of some country we now how to do it right. Does the President suck? Is government cronyistic shit? You betcha. Do these fool Americans keep electing millionaire plutocrats to 'represent' them? They sure do. But they're nice folk. They seem to mean well. They're always polite when they need to get by you to use the 'bathroom' - yeah, there ain't no bath in there but this ain't the UK, all right? Got it? I did reflexively say "cheers" to a guy who held a door open for me the other day but I said it in my standard Cinci-tucky quasi-hillbilly accent so I'm sure it sounded exceptionally clumsy.

In the UK you rub shoulders with Poles, Russkies, French (ewww!) and the occasional person of color. In the US it's WASPS, Afro-mericans, Mexicans, and Asians. In the DMV (dept of motor vehicles) today all 4 mixed with politeness, efficiency and charm. At one point the lone girl behind the main reception desk stood and asked all 200+ present "does anyone here speak Chinese AND English?" To which a young Asian woman from the Q emerged and calmly took the old gent aside to help him out. I watched for the remainder of my stay there as the lady helped him through the entire process obviously at no small cost to the completion of her own taks. England I love you but I just can't see that happening there.

There's lots of people here. Lots of them are pregnant. Lots of them drive SUVs. Lots of them are fat. Lots of them want to make you worship Jeebus.

But they're unpretentious. They're polite. They'll help you out. They're cool.

America I love you now please stop freaking the planet out.



Okay, see you next time from the rainy and dreary UK. Goodbye sun and 88 degrees fahrenheit!

Sometime in Sept

White bread, white eggs, white people. Survived a trip to rich hippie town of Ann Arbor Michigan. My host was the greatest but the frat boys scared me. I forgot just how low the human race can dip. And I am freaked out by the pristine white eggs that look like they were manufactured...oh wait, they ARE manufactured. Guess I'm too used to the brown and natural looking UK eggs that haven't been fully frankensteined yet. Even when you crack these American ones open they look fake....and taste fake too.

But now my operative back in the UK tells me how she witnessed a young mom screaming at her baby in the pram to "shut the fuck up"......sigh.......that cave in the mountains is looking better and better.



Okay....will keep updating from the Western front and will be back on UK soil Thursday. Fire up the taps.

4 SEPT 2008

We're sticking with just "A" cities this time around. Atlanta, Athens and now the big double A - Ann Arbor. Our Detroit area operative Shystie has put out a call for help. Seems the forces of light are up to their usual dirty tactics of sewing the seeds of good will and understanding. We're coming to lend a hand towards fighting back with confusion, chaos, ill-will and baby killing jokes. We'll be holding court at the Brew Pub so stop on by. He's the unbalanced looking one and I'll be the smug, I'm-so-European looking one.



Scoot over boys. Make room for the new breed.


How many kids does that Republican VP have? She must like to fuck. It's about time we get some sex back in the Oval Orifice.

Okay. Will be out of contact for a few days. Going into blackout. Please stay with us though. Cartoons and assorted what-nots will return as soon as we're reunited with our proper equipment.

3 SEPT 2008

I killed Michael Stipe.

Athens, GA. Hot, hip and almost happening. Given the whirl-wind tour by two of the best local musicians we even found ourselves in a bar that stocked more Belgian biers than our favorite haunt in the UK which is only a stone's throw from the source. We are going to have to have a sit-down talk with the proprietor when we return.

Just a couple weeks off on timing - could have seen Tokyo Police Club at the 40 Watt as well as Deerhoof. So culture does indeed infiltrate the American South in spots.





31 AUG 2008

People here in the metro Atlanta area are so friendly. Too bad they are Earth killers. At least they piss on the planet with a smile. At one point I counted 6 massive SUVs in a row before a single car passed. And of course each elephant sized SUV carried only one pig sized person. They held a referendum on extending the half-assed rail system out to the burbs here and of course all the lard-ass whiteys voted no. Not only do they not see any reason to get out of their enviro-cidal 2 tonne mobiles but they fear that 'undesirables' will come along with rail service. As if any self-respecting street playa would waste their time out in these culturally dead suburbs. Houses, strip malls, houses, strip malls. Development for the sake of development. Brand new strip malls built next to half vacant ones. All-you-can-eat buffets butting up against weight loss clinics. Ground zero for the bitch slapping of Planet Earth.






What Day is It??


OK. We're functional so stay tuned for regular updates.

27 AUG 2008

I'm stressed.

America, it's not even been quite a year but it seems like decades - since we touched, since we held - each other............

Is there still chemistry between us or will it feel like a poorly cast Hollywood romance where the sparks just don't fly?

Do you remember the stuff we did?? Whoo boy. Those were crazy days. I'm a bit wiser and cautious now that I've seen more of the big bad world so I hope I don't bore you.

But when I left you America you were......troubling me. You weren't the same America I first rode my bike with or shared my first doobie with. It was like you suddenly got both too serious and too stupid at the same time.

And it worried me.

But I'm not too proud to say - America, I think I need for you to still need me. It's a cruel world out here America. Are you still home?



Speaking of America........this was either someone's initials or the happiest/most bored KKK member in the world. Because in Vilnius, Lithuania there ain't nobody darker than a bad spray-on tan at most.

Or maybe Lithuanian KKK members just sit around and curse Russians.


Well, I am indeed off to visit the Great Motherland for a couple weeks but I am taking a laptop and intend to update regularly from the front. Unless of course Homeland Security confiscates it at the border ("Vee have Vays of making you regret coming back") So if you see nothing new here for days and days please contact my lawyer. But even if something else like tech difficulties befall me I hope that you will all return. I miss you guys. You're like the total strangers I never had.


25 AUG 2008


Is America following good personal hygiene? Are the streets safe? Does opportunity still flow like milk and honey?
Alert the papparazi - I will be landing at ATL airport this Thursday.

Will I be strip searched at the border or drafted?
Or will I be greeted by Obama and McCain on the tarmac. Both nearly at blows over my endorsement.

America I'm coming home. Show me the money. Show me the love. Show me the fat. Is that "Let's Getter Done!" guy still on the TeeVee? God I hope so.

I love you America but you can't compete with the Kefirs.  



Check out this motherload of blackberries.

Just out of reach - my life story.


See you north american scum soon.


21 AUG 2008

Struck with impotence at the gates of Sodom and Gomorrah
I transform into a moralist


and behold

for i am truly

the lord of riga


20 AUG 2008




Even with a few hundred kilometers in between the spirits from the Devil Museum stuck with me like a full English breakfast.





19 AUG 2008


As happy as a pilgrim. Dave finally reaches the Devil Museum in Kaunas.


Stay de-tuned.





  Some Vilnius graffiti



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"Mood shift shift back to good again. C'mon be a friend"
"-Of Montreal


"It's like a discipline without the discipine of all the discipline"
-LCD Soundsystem



"And if you wish it will still hurt as before. I can hear you breathing I know you're there."
-Crispy Ambulance





"He who lives as children live - who does not struggle for his bread and does not believe that his actions possess any ultimate significance - remains childlike."




"karen put me in a chair fuck me and make me a drink I lost direction and I'm past my peak I'm telling you this isn't me no this isn't me Karen believe me you just haven't seen my good side yet"
-The National




"He drank panther piss and fucked the girls you're probably married to"
- Nick Cave



"The path to enlightenment is not reached by car and its landmarks will be signs on the soles of the feet."
-David Holtek



"I'm going to do things to you that are beyond all known philosophies."
-Duran Duran (Barbarella)



"Man is a rope stretched between the animal and the superman - a rope over an abyss"
- Nietzsche



"I used to be carried in the arms of cheerleaders."
-The National





"B-b-b-baby he's screaming the truth. America, America is killing it's youth"




"Let's have some decorum."
-Monochrome Set



"I don't care what weapons you use just as long as you keep me amused."
-James Chance




"Nag nag nag"
-Cabaret Voltaire



"In America, for every action there is an equal and opposing inaction"
-Dave Holtek



"You know it's time we grow old and do some shit."
-Broken Social Scene




"Can you dig it? Can you dig it?
Can yooooo dig it?
-Sirus The Warriors




"I hesitate to deposit money in a bank. I am afraid I shall never dare to take it out again. When you go to confession and entrust your sins to the safe-keeping of the priest, do you ever come back for them?"
-Jean Baudrillard





"Merchant and pirate were for a long period one and the same person. Even today mercantile morality is really nothing but a refinement of piratical morality."




"Like a dark stripe down the center of the night, two's as good as one."
- Arto Lindsay